In my previous post, I wrote about God’s love and how He loves us as a father. I’d like to imagine that I would receive a love letter from God, my father. If I did, this is what it would say:
To my beautiful daughter,
Yes, that is what you are. Beautiful. Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently. I want to tell you something that will blow your mind. It will be the most important message you will ever hear in your entire life.
I love you!
You don’t realise just how much I love you. I loved you before you were born. Even before you were knitted in the womb. And when you were born, what a good day that was. I looked at you and I was pleased with what I created. After all, not that I am one to boast, but I did make you in my own image.
You are perfect in every way and I love you.
I love you even when you feel you shouldn’t be loved. You don’t need to do anything to make me love you any less. Nothing in this world would ever tear me away from loving you. Nothing. Not even the evil that was done against you. In fact, what you endured makes me love you even more.
Yes, I know what you went through. I was there. I have always been with you. You thought I abandoned you, but I didn’t. I could never abandon you. I would never leave you or disown you because of what someone has done to you.
You are my precious child and I love you.
You may be ashamed of what happened, but I am not. I could never be ashamed of you. You are my beloved daughter. You are so precious to me and I sing songs of joy every time I think of you.
One day, all this pain will be gone and I will wipe away all your tears. I am so sorry for the suffering you have endured. Rest in my arms dear one and I will hold you tight. I will comfort you and I will make sure that you will receive more for the pain you have suffered. The suffering you experienced will be rewarded.
But for now I need you. Oh, how I need you! I have a plan for your life that you are not able to see. One that will make you thrive. Everything you have been brave to withstand I will turn it around and use it for a good purpose. You will be a light to those who are afraid in the dark.
In all this, my precious child, remember that I love you.
Jesus presents God to us in many ways. There is nothing though as significant as God being our Daddy. Just in the same way as we have an earthly father, God is our Heavenly Father. Jesus depicts something special about the Father’s love when He refers to God as Abba, Father.
Abba is an Aramaic word that literally means “Father.” It was a well known name that conveyed certainty, trust and love. The name Abba implies a relationship that has a closeness similar to that of a father and his child. It also signifies a trust that is genuine. One that is very similar to that of a young child and his “daddy”.
The Father’s love in the Bible
There are only three instances in the Bible where it refers to God as Abba, Father:
In Mark’s gospel where Jesus prays to God in Gethsemane. This is right before he was to be taken to be crucified. He knew what was coming up and he cries out to his daddy just like any child would that wants rescuing.
He said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible to you. Please remove this cup from me. However, not what I desire, but what you desire.” Mark 14:36
In Romans, Paul describes how God saves us from being chained to sin and brings us into His family. He adopts us as His children. That means we are chosen and he is our father. Our daddy.
So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15
In Galatians, Paul says something similar to what he said in Romans. Instead, this time we are given confirmation through the Spirit of Jesus that we are accepted, once again, as adopted children. Just as a child lives with a father whom he trusts, so we do with our Heavenly Father.
And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, ‘Abba, Father.’ Galatians 4:6
The Father’s love on Earth
But what happens if we don’t have a good experience from our earthly fathers? What image does it make us have of God as our Heavenly Father?
What if we needed to seek approval from our father? Is this the same with God? What if our dad was not around much when we were children? Will God not be around much either?
What if our father was the one that neglected us? What if he didn’t show his love towards us? Or the opposite…what if he showed too much love?
Our experience of what we received from our earthly father will mirror what we think of our Heavenly Father.
My father was not around much when I was young due to work. It seemed like he went to work before I woke up and came back after I had gone to bed. In my child’s mind, I very rarely saw him. This is what I remember.
Although he didn’t say it much, I knew my dad loved me. He was from an era where men didn’t talk about their feelings, so I would rarely hear him tell me he loved me. I knew he did love me though. When I did see him he was like this gentle giant.
The lack of presence in my life from my dad in my early years, coupled with the abuse I received from a male child minder, has tainted the image I have of God being my loving father.
I find it hard to accept that God would always be there for me, no matter what. And because I didn’t see my father much, where would I find his approval? In my abuser? My abuser told me he loved me, so was this what love was like?
The Father’s love for us
The problem I am having is that I am picturing God based on my experiences. It should be the other way around. God was around before the first father on earth, Adam. He is the true father, the original, before all fathers. Any other father after God should be modelled on God. It is not God who is the model of any father.
Jesus tells the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. The father in this story is exactly what God is like. He has plenty of grace and mercy – it is new every day and never runs out! He takes all our wrong doings and forgives us. Just like the son in the story, we can always run freely back to him no matter what we have done or what we have been through.
The father never gave up on his son and welcomed him back in, even in the state he was in. This is the bit I love. God is like that with us. It doesn’t matter what state we are in, or how broken we feel, God welcomes us back with open arms. He never gives up on us!
The Father’s Love
I need to think of what God is like first and foremost. Jonathan Edwards, a British Athlete, sums it up very well:
Instead of looking at my dad and then back at God, I learned to look at God first. . . . If I didn’t start with God, then he would always be the replica rather than the original.
Jonathan Edwards
Something to think about…
Read through Luke 15:11-32 and write down all the characteristics of the father. Apply these now to your image of God as your father. This is exactly what the Father’s Love is like, and more!
Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you that you have mercy and grace in abundance and that you have your arms open wide ready for when we want to return back to you. Thank you for not giving up on us when we have turned away from you. Thank you for the true Father you really are. I pray that you help each of us in our relationships with our earthly fathers. Amen.
On day 5 I touched on the subject of feeling unworthy. I felt God’s love was out of my reach because I was not worthy enough. Jesus wants me to believe I am worthy and loved beyond measure. If the birds in the air are loved and provided for, then there should be no doubt that I am worthy too.
Another major obstacle I have which hinders me from accepting God’s love is trust. I think this is quite obvious on many levels.
Why Trusting is Hard
My abuser was a childminder. If you are a parent, at some point in your life you will put your trust in a childminder to look after your children well. My abuser had a completely different idea of how to keep me safe and he completely abused his power.
I lost trust in my parents. After all, they left me with the person who abused me for nearly 5 years. Granted, they didn’t know, so it wasn’t really their fault. But still, every time he came around and they left it was like they were allowing it. It took me a while to realise and come to terms with the fact they weren’t to blame.
I lost trust in myself. I couldn’t stop what was happening and I didn’t speak up. How could I have let it carry on?
I lost trust in the education system. Every time I hear or see the description of what to look for in a child being abused I cringe. I wasn’t that “typical” child so I slipped through the net undetected.
I didn’t trust men. This one is obvious I think!
It was my trust in God that was lost though mainly. I come from a Christian family and my parents were ministers, so why would God let this happen to me? God saw exactly what I went through. If He loved me, then surely He would have stopped it?
Who’s in control?
As I was going through my abuse, I could not see what the outcome was going to be. Would this ever end? What would happen to me? At times, I just wanted to die.
There had been a few times when I took things into my own hands and I took control of where my life was heading. Thankfully, God was still in control in those moments.
It’s only now, over 25 years later, can I see God was with me. He is still with me. The verse from Genesis completely makes sense to me now:
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.Genesis 50:20
When I was younger, I didn’t know what it meant to trust God. It’s only as I have matured, both in age and spiritually, have I realised what putting my faith in God meant.
Over the years, I have grown to love Jeremiah 29:11. I have come to understand how much our God loves us. After all, what loving God would really want to see His children come to harm?
Something to think about…
The healing journey of a survivor can be a lonely one at times. I have learnt when I lean into the One who loves me, I am not on my own. When I look back to the hard times when I have felt alone, I can see God has been there. It’s only been after the trial can I see this.
Can you recollect any moments in your life where you can see God has been at work? Write them down in a journal. Next time you go through a challenging time, read through those moments and hold onto the fact that God is with you and He has a plan for you.
Prayer
God, there are times when I struggle to stand firm on your promises. Please provide me with the strength I need to get up each day and fight the battles I have. Amen.
The last 5 days have been a little intense in what I have written. I’m covering a topic which is much needed, but has left me feeling drained a little, which is why I am a day behind as well. So, I’m processing God’s love so far in what I have learnt.
The enemy loves to attack when you are making progress in something you are doing for God – remember that when you feel under fire!
I felt led to do something a little different today. I have written a poem which sums up some of what I have written over the last couple of days. It’s a result of what’s going around in my head.
I would love to know what you think or if this resonates with you.
Yesterday I wrote about needing to overcome the obstacles that are hindering us from accepting God’s unconditional love. God does love us and nothing in this world will ever come between the love He has for us.
What stops me?
One of the main obstacles which stops me from accepting God’s love is feeling unworthy. I hate what I have been through. It was degrading and vile.
Coupled with the experiences I received throughout school, I believed what people were feeding me. I was not worthy, not good enough, out of place and undesirable.
When something is instilled into you for so long, you believe it. Because nothing else is said to the contrary. I hated myself so much I felt I deserved every bad experience I endured. Believing God loves me, let alone accepting God’s love, was just beyond my reach.
Over the past 15 years I have managed to work through deep layers of hurt. I still have a way to go, but I thank God I’m no longer where I use to be. I can’t say I love myself, but I can say I no longer hate myself.
Jesus wants me to believe I am worthy and loved beyond measure. I know that. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. God knows every little detail about us, right down to something insignificant as the hairs on our head.
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31
Who would bother to take the time to know something like this if they didn’t love us? We are loved beyond measure!
Something to think about…
My children often come to me and tell me tales from school. They often tell me about a falling out they have had with one of their friends and the words they have exchanged between them. My response to them is always one that encourages. I tell our children “you are worthy. No matter what anyone else says to you, you are worth more”.
Why then do we not accept this for ourselves? If we saw a picture of ourselves as a child now we would say to that child “you are worthy”. That child is still the same person now but older. That child does not have any less worth just because a few years have been added on to their life.
I am worthy
Look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself as that child. Say to yourself, “I am worthy!” I know you won’t believe it straight away. I wouldn’t! That’s why you need to repeat it over and over again to let it sink in. So, every time you visit the bathroom, repeat to yourself “I am worthy”.
Prayer
Lord, you believe that we are so worthy. So much that you laid your life down for us. We need to let this truth sink deep into our hearts. Please send your spirit to minister to us when we feel worthless. Amen
