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Faith

What Do I Do When I Don’t Feel God?

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Life can feel pretty messy. And I’m not talking about getting-your-hands-a-bit-dirty type of messy. On the contrary, I’m on about the full-blown, knee-deep-in-shit type of messy. That’s where I am at the moment – Knee deep in life’s messy crap! 

I feel like I am going through one of the most trying times of my life right now. Every week seems to present itself with a new challenge. As each week goes by, I wonder how much more I can take. How much more is God going to give me?

How am I coping?

You may ask, and I might answer – maybe not always truthfully. Most people probably get “I’m fine” or “it’s ok”. But the truth is, I’m not fine and I am not ok. In fact, I’m at the point where I am questioning where God is in all of this mess. 

I still believe in God. That much is certain. With everything we are going through, I struggle to see what His plans are. Right now, I can’t see how anything good can come from what is going on. 

I turn up to church feeling like a hypocrite. I’m supposed to be singing and praising God, but I just feel dead. I feel like there is a spirit of heaviness upon me, wrapping its arms around me and clinging on tight.

So why bother going?

That has been the question going through my mind. Why do I bother going if I can’t pray and sing praises? What is the point? This was what I said, quite flippantly, to a trusted friend at church. And their response?

Just. Keep. Coming. 

All that is needed is for me to turn up and come as I am…along with my messes. Nothing more. Nothing less. This moment where I feel like there is a hole which feels so empty, is a moment where I let others come around me and fill that hole for me. They stand around me and sing and pray when I feel I can’t.

This moment where I feel like there is a hole which feels so empty, is a moment where I let others come around me and fill that hole for me. Click To Tweet

Maybe this is where God is working His purpose out. Maybe He is working through other people to help me. So, here I am, just as I am (with my messy shit) asking for those to come around me and to stand in the gap with me. Whatever happens, I’ll just keep coming, and leave God to work out the rest. 

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. 
Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT)
Faith, Write 31 Days Challenge 2021

31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 27 – I Am Amazing

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31 Days of Bible Affirmations - Day 27 - I am Amazing
31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 27 – I am Amazing
How you made me is amazing and wonderful. I praise you for that. What you have done is wonderful. I know that very well. Psalm 139:14

I Am Amazing

My daughter, Isabella, is three and a half years old. She is the second born twin and our fifth (and final may I add) child. Isabella may only be a child, but what I see in her I very rarely see in adults. 

Isabella seems to have this special connection with God which flows through her to other people around her. She lights up the room as soon as she walks in and has this insane ability to make you laugh and smile. Something I know I naturally find hard to do. But with Isabella, she can even make me laugh; to the point that I consider it pure joy. 

Continue reading 31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 27 – I Am Amazing →
Faith, Write 31 Days Challenge 2021

31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 26 – I Am Held

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31 Days of Bible Affirmations - Day 26 - I Am Held
31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 26 – I Am Held

I Am Held

"Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.“  Isaiah 46:3-4 (NIV)

I am often woken up during the night by one of my children. There was one night I was woken abruptly by the sound of one of the twins screaming. No amount of milk or pain relief would soothe her. All I could do was just hold her in my arms tightly close to my chest. I would just keep whispering in her ears, “don’t worry, everything is ok. Mummy has got you.”

Thinking about it though, I have always held each of my children. From the moment they were conceived I held them inside me. When I gave birth to them, I held them in my arms. Even now as they are older, I will console them and hold them. I will continue to be there for them for as long as I am able to. I may not be able to physically hold them, but they will be held in my mind.

Whilst I was holding one of my twins and soothing her, I came to the realisation that this is how God is with me. Going through the trials I am facing right now provides a whole heap of pain. It doesn’t matter how much pain relief I try, such as scrolling through Twitter, having a glass of wine (or two) or binge watching on Netflix, it doesn’t take away the pain. 

What helps to relieve my pain is knowing that God has hold of me during my hard times. He is gently whispering in my ear “don’t worry, everything is ok. I am holding on to you.”

Something to think about…

I know the season I am in is a hard one, but I also know it isn’t going to last forever. What does last forever is God’s love. Knowing that He is holding me tightly is what is going to sustain me through these hard seasons.

If you feel you are going through a painful time right now, take heart, dear one. Fall into His arms and let Him hold you tightly. 

Why not have a go at personalising Isaiah 46:3-4 and re-write in your own words what you feel God is saying to you. You could also use my version and change to your own name. 

“Listen up, Lynne! It was I who created you. In fact, I have been carrying you since before you were born. At no point did you ever have to carry me. Lynne, from the day of your birth, I have taken care of you, carrying you in my arms. And I will do so throughout your whole lifetime, even when you are old. Why? Because, Lynne, you are my child. I made you, and I will take care of you. I am your Creator, your Maker and your Care-giver. Rest assured, I will carry you, Lynne, through every situation, for I am your also your Savior.”

If you enjoyed reading my thoughts on today’s Bible affirmation then why not catch up on my other thoughts for previous days.

Faith, Write 31 Days Challenge 2021

31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 25 – I Am Able To Do Hard Things

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31 Days of Bible Affirmations - Day 25 - I am Able
31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 25 – I am Able

I am Able

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us
Ephesians 3:20

When Paul wrote to the Ephesians, he was doing so stuck behind bars in prison. How he was able to do that is beyond me. It mustn’t have been easy for him. Think about it…

He was in a place so dark and he was on his own. That kind of solitary confinement doesn’t play well with the mind. Can you imagine what it must have been like? Maybe you can. Maybe you have been in a place where you feel so alone and there has been nothing but darkness around you. You don’t have to physically be in a cell to experience this.

Continue reading 31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 25 – I Am Able To Do Hard Things →
Faith, Write 31 Days Challenge 2021

31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 23 – I Am Significant

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31 Days of Bible Affirmations - Day 23 - I am Significant
31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 23 – I am Significant

I am Significant

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.  Matthew 10:29-31

I often lose sight of how significant I am to God. When I look at other people, I can see how much they are worth. Yet when I look at myself, I struggle to see what significant impact I can have on those around me. It’s like I get stuck in this pit of low self-worth and I don’t see what value I can bring.

Continue reading 31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 23 – I Am Significant →