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Faith, God’s Love, Trust, Write 31 Days Challenge 2019

Day 7 in God’s Love – Trusting God

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On day 5 I touched on the subject of feeling unworthy. I felt God’s love was out of my reach because I was not worthy enough. Jesus wants me to believe I am worthy and loved beyond measure. If the birds in the air are loved and provided for, then there should be no doubt that I am worthy too.

Another major obstacle I have which hinders me from accepting God’s love is trust. I think this is quite obvious on many levels.

Why Trusting is Hard

  • My abuser was a childminder. If you are a parent, at some point in your life you will put your trust in a childminder to look after your children well. My abuser had a completely different idea of how to keep me safe and he completely abused his power.
  • I lost trust in my parents. After all, they left me with the person who abused me for nearly 5 years. Granted, they didn’t know, so it wasn’t really their fault. But still, every time he came around and they left it was like they were allowing it. It took me a while to realise and come to terms with the fact they weren’t to blame.
  • I lost trust in myself. I couldn’t stop what was happening and I didn’t speak up. How could I have let it carry on?
  • I lost trust in the education system. Every time I hear or see the description of what to look for in a child being abused I cringe. I wasn’t that “typical” child so I slipped through the net undetected.
  • I didn’t trust men. This one is obvious I think!
  • It was my trust in God that was lost though mainly. I come from a Christian family and my parents were ministers, so why would God let this happen to me? God saw exactly what I went through. If He loved me, then surely He would have stopped it?

Who’s in control?

As I was going through my abuse, I could not see what the outcome was going to be. Would this ever end? What would happen to me? At times, I just wanted to die.

There had been a few times when I took things into my own hands and I took control of where my life was heading. Thankfully, God was still in control in those moments.

It’s only now, over 25 years later, can I see God was with me. He is still with me. The verse from Genesis completely makes sense to me now:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20

When I was younger, I didn’t know what it meant to trust God. It’s only as I have matured, both in age and spiritually, have I realised what putting my faith in God meant.

Over the years, I have grown to love Jeremiah 29:11. I have come to understand how much our God loves us. After all, what loving God would really want to see His children come to harm?

Something to think about…

The healing journey of a survivor can be a lonely one at times. I have learnt when I lean into the One who loves me, I am not on my own. When I look back to the hard times when I have felt alone, I can see God has been there. It’s only been after the trial can I see this.

Can you recollect any moments in your life where you can see God has been at work? Write them down in a journal. Next time you go through a challenging time, read through those moments and hold onto the fact that God is with you and He has a plan for you.

Prayer

God, there are times when I struggle to stand firm on your promises. Please provide me with the strength I need to get up each day and fight the battles I have. Amen.

Faith, God’s Love, Write 31 Days Challenge 2019

Day 6 in God’s Love – Processing God’s Love So Far

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The last 5 days have been a little intense in what I have written. I’m covering a topic which is much needed, but has left me feeling drained a little, which is why I am a day behind as well. So, I’m processing God’s love so far in what I have learnt.

The enemy loves to attack when you are making progress in something you are doing for God – remember that when you feel under fire!

The enemy loves to attack when you are making progress in something you are doing for God – remember that when you feel under fire! Share on X

I felt led to do something a little different today. I have written a poem which sums up some of what I have written over the last couple of days. It’s a result of what’s going around in my head.

I would love to know what you think or if this resonates with you.

And Yet, You Still Love Me

It doesn’t matter how broken I feel

Or that I am shattered beyond repair.

The scars that are hidden deep inside

Will always remain a pain to bear.

And yet, you still love me.

It doesn’t matter how dirty I feel,

Or the fact my past is marred and unclean.

The stain that has remained deep inside

Will always remain a mark unseen.

And yet, you love me still. 

It doesn’t matter how worthless I feel,

Or how much people reject what they hear.

The shame that lingers over my head,

Will always remain a scar to fear.

And yet, me you still love.

It doesn’t matter if I was abused,

Or at times I’m impossible to love.

The guilt that haunts the rest of my life,

Will always remain a wound to speak of. 

And Yet, You Still Love Me

Faith, God’s Love, Write 31 Days Challenge 2019

Day 5 in God’s Love – I Am Worthy

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Yesterday I wrote about needing to overcome the obstacles that are hindering us from accepting God’s unconditional love. God does love us and nothing in this world will ever come between the love He has for us. 

What stops me?

One of the main obstacles which stops me from accepting God’s love is feeling unworthy. I hate what I have been through. It was degrading and vile.

Coupled with the experiences I received throughout school, I believed what people were feeding me. I was not worthy, not good enough, out of place and undesirable. 

When something is instilled into you for so long, you believe it. Because nothing else is said to the contrary. I hated myself so much I felt I deserved every bad experience I endured. Believing God loves me, let alone accepting God’s love, was just beyond my reach. 

Believing God loves me, let alone accepting God’s love, was just beyond my reach.  Share on X

Healing is a lifelong journey

Over the past 15 years I have managed to work through deep layers of hurt. I still have a way to go, but I thank God I’m no longer where I use to be. I can’t say I love myself, but I can say I no longer hate myself. 

Jesus wants me to believe I am worthy and loved beyond measure. I know that. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. God knows every little detail about us, right down to something insignificant as the hairs on our head.

God knows every little detail about us, right down to something insignificant as the hairs on our head. Share on X

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

Who would bother to take the time to know something like this if they didn’t love us? We are loved beyond measure!

Something to think about…

My children often come to me and tell me tales from school. They often tell me about a falling out they have had with one of their friends and the words they have exchanged between them. My response to them is always one that encourages. I tell our children “you are worthy. No matter what anyone else says to you, you are worth more”.

Why then do we not accept this for ourselves? If we saw a picture of ourselves as a child now we would say to that child “you are worthy”. That child is still the same person now but older. That child does not have any less worth just because a few years have been added on to their life.

I am worthy

Look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself as that child. Say to yourself, “I am worthy!” I know you won’t believe it straight away. I wouldn’t! That’s why you need to repeat it over and over again to let it sink in. So, every time you visit the bathroom, repeat to yourself “I am worthy”.

Prayer

Lord, you believe that we are so worthy. So much that you laid your life down for us. We need to let this truth sink deep into our hearts. Please send your spirit to minister to us when we feel worthless. Amen

Faith, God’s Love, Write 31 Days Challenge 2019

Day 4 in God’s Love – Overcoming Obstacles

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Yesterday I wrote about God’s love being unconditional. Whatever we have done or been through, He loves us no matter what. Realising this truth is the first step. Accepting unconditional love, however, takes it to a whole new level.

I’m going to be honest now (when am I not!) This is the bit I really struggle with. I know God loves me unconditionally, but believing it for myself is really hard to accept.

Through experiences in my life I have come to believe I am not worthy of receiving such love. Why would someone love another person when they are “damaged goods”? That’s the way the world sees it, right? If something is second hand, damaged or used, then the value of its worth is questioned.

Overcoming our obstacles

This is what I believe God thinks about me. Why would God love someone who has been used? Would God really love someone who has had something so shameful done to them? After all, if the world sees something marred and rejects it then surely God does too.

Or does He?

This is what the enemy wants me to think. I know in my mind this isn’t true. But when years of hurt overpower what is really true, it seems more believable. Somehow, I need to overcome this obstacle. God does love me. Nothing in this world will ever come between the Love He has for me.

Accepting unconditional love

I love this translation from the New Living Translation. “Not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” What I endured when I was younger was the powers of hell and when I read this line it choked me. It’s there in black and white. My past will not come between me and the love of my God.

“Not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” My past will not come between me and the love of my God. Share on X

Something to think about…

Is there something in your life which is holding you back from knowing the truth? Name it and believe that it is from the powers of hell. Now read over the Bible verse and say it out aloud. Especially the verse “Not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” let this sink into your heart. I know that is what I am going to try and do.

Prayer

Lord, we all have something in our life holding us back from believing the truth that you love us. Help us to overcome these obstacles and move forwards. Help us to sink into the knowledge that you truly love us. There is nothing that will ever separate us from that. Amen.

Faith, God’s Love, Write 31 Days Challenge 2019

Day 3 in God’s Love – Unconditionally Loved

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Probably one of the most popular ways to describe God’s love is unconditional. Although we may know God’s love is unconditional, do we really believe it? Deep down in our hearts?

When I think of the wrong things I have done, why would God still love me? When I think of what I have been through in life, why would God still bother? If I think of all the times I have rejected Him, why did He not do the same?

Paul is a great example of God showing His unconditional love to someone. When Paul was known as Saul, he sought out God’s followers. He hunted and persecuted Christians like a predator searching for its prey.

Yet God still loved him.

I’ve not done anything like what Paul has done. I’ve not got anyone killed. (Although, I may have thought about doing it!) God still accepted Paul though despite what he has done and what he has been through.

So what does this unconditional love feel like?

The moment I held each of my babies in my arms, I knew then my love for them was unmeasurable. It didn’t stop either as they have grown up. Through all their sleepless nights, tantrums, back-chatting, never ending time-outs, hurts and constant bickering between each other, I have loved them.

I still love them. Unconditionally.

Why?

Because they are my children. They need my unconditional love. They don’t need to do anything in return. I don’t expect them to. I just love them anyway!

That’s how God loves us. Because we are His children. I need unconditional love. Oh, how I need His unconditional love. God doesn’t expect me to act in a certain way to receive His love. He just loves me anyway.

God doesn’t expect me to act in a certain way to receive His love. He just loves me anyway. Share on X

Something to think about…

Write down on a piece of paper all the ways why you think God wouldn’t love you. When finished, take hold of the paper and scrunch it up or rip it into shreds. Throw the paper into the waste basket. (The best action is to burn it, but only if it is safe to do so and it is at your risk).

As you dispose of the paper, remember God still loves you no matter what! He doesn’t hold anything against you. That is why we dispose of the paper. It is no longer needed.

Prayer

Lord, thank you for showing me how much you love me. Thank you for always being there, no matter what. Thank you for never turning away, even when I may have turned away from you. I need your unconditional love. Please find ways to show how much you love me when I need to see it most. Keep reminding me of your love. Amen