Life can feel pretty messy. And I’m not talking about getting-your-hands-a-bit-dirty type of messy. On the contrary, I’m on about the full-blown, knee-deep-in-shit type of messy. That’s where I am at the moment – Knee deep in life’s messy crap!
I feel like I am going through one of the most trying times of my life right now. Every week seems to present itself with a new challenge. As each week goes by, I wonder how much more I can take. How much more is God going to give me?
How am I coping?
You may ask, and I might answer – maybe not always truthfully. Most people probably get “I’m fine” or “it’s ok”. But the truth is, I’m not fine and I am not ok. In fact, I’m at the point where I am questioning where God is in all of this mess.
I still believe in God. That much is certain. With everything we are going through, I struggle to see what His plans are. Right now, I can’t see how anything good can come from what is going on.
I turn up to church feeling like a hypocrite. I’m supposed to be singing and praising God, but I just feel dead. I feel like there is a spirit of heaviness upon me, wrapping its arms around me and clinging on tight.
So why bother going?
That has been the question going through my mind. Why do I bother going if I can’t pray and sing praises? What is the point? This was what I said, quite flippantly, to a trusted friend at church. And their response?
Just. Keep. Coming.
All that is needed is for me to turn up and come as I am…along with my messes. Nothing more. Nothing less. This moment where I feel like there is a hole which feels so empty, is a moment where I let others come around me and fill that hole for me. They stand around me and sing and pray when I feel I can’t.
Maybe this is where God is working His purpose out. Maybe He is working through other people to help me. So, here I am, just as I am (with my messy shit) asking for those to come around me and to stand in the gap with me. Whatever happens, I’ll just keep coming, and leave God to work out the rest.
Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT)
