Tag Archives: Abuse

Faith, God’s Love, Trust, Write 31 Days Challenge 2019

Day 7 in God’s Love – Trusting God

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On day 5 I touched on the subject of feeling unworthy. I felt God’s love was out of my reach because I was not worthy enough. Jesus wants me to believe I am worthy and loved beyond measure. If the birds in the air are loved and provided for, then there should be no doubt that I am worthy too.

Another major obstacle I have which hinders me from accepting God’s love is trust. I think this is quite obvious on many levels.

Why Trusting is Hard

  • My abuser was a childminder. If you are a parent, at some point in your life you will put your trust in a childminder to look after your children well. My abuser had a completely different idea of how to keep me safe and he completely abused his power.
  • I lost trust in my parents. After all, they left me with the person who abused me for nearly 5 years. Granted, they didn’t know, so it wasn’t really their fault. But still, every time he came around and they left it was like they were allowing it. It took me a while to realise and come to terms with the fact they weren’t to blame.
  • I lost trust in myself. I couldn’t stop what was happening and I didn’t speak up. How could I have let it carry on?
  • I lost trust in the education system. Every time I hear or see the description of what to look for in a child being abused I cringe. I wasn’t that “typical” child so I slipped through the net undetected.
  • I didn’t trust men. This one is obvious I think!
  • It was my trust in God that was lost though mainly. I come from a Christian family and my parents were ministers, so why would God let this happen to me? God saw exactly what I went through. If He loved me, then surely He would have stopped it?

Who’s in control?

As I was going through my abuse, I could not see what the outcome was going to be. Would this ever end? What would happen to me? At times, I just wanted to die.

There had been a few times when I took things into my own hands and I took control of where my life was heading. Thankfully, God was still in control in those moments.

It’s only now, over 25 years later, can I see God was with me. He is still with me. The verse from Genesis completely makes sense to me now:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20

When I was younger, I didn’t know what it meant to trust God. It’s only as I have matured, both in age and spiritually, have I realised what putting my faith in God meant.

Over the years, I have grown to love Jeremiah 29:11. I have come to understand how much our God loves us. After all, what loving God would really want to see His children come to harm?

Something to think about…

The healing journey of a survivor can be a lonely one at times. I have learnt when I lean into the One who loves me, I am not on my own. When I look back to the hard times when I have felt alone, I can see God has been there. It’s only been after the trial can I see this.

Can you recollect any moments in your life where you can see God has been at work? Write them down in a journal. Next time you go through a challenging time, read through those moments and hold onto the fact that God is with you and He has a plan for you.

Prayer

God, there are times when I struggle to stand firm on your promises. Please provide me with the strength I need to get up each day and fight the battles I have. Amen.

Faith, God’s Love, Write 31 Days Challenge 2019

Day 4 in God’s Love – Overcoming Obstacles

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Yesterday I wrote about God’s love being unconditional. Whatever we have done or been through, He loves us no matter what. Realising this truth is the first step. Accepting unconditional love, however, takes it to a whole new level.

I’m going to be honest now (when am I not!) This is the bit I really struggle with. I know God loves me unconditionally, but believing it for myself is really hard to accept.

Through experiences in my life I have come to believe I am not worthy of receiving such love. Why would someone love another person when they are “damaged goods”? That’s the way the world sees it, right? If something is second hand, damaged or used, then the value of its worth is questioned.

Overcoming our obstacles

This is what I believe God thinks about me. Why would God love someone who has been used? Would God really love someone who has had something so shameful done to them? After all, if the world sees something marred and rejects it then surely God does too.

Or does He?

This is what the enemy wants me to think. I know in my mind this isn’t true. But when years of hurt overpower what is really true, it seems more believable. Somehow, I need to overcome this obstacle. God does love me. Nothing in this world will ever come between the Love He has for me.

Accepting unconditional love

I love this translation from the New Living Translation. “Not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” What I endured when I was younger was the powers of hell and when I read this line it choked me. It’s there in black and white. My past will not come between me and the love of my God.

“Not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” My past will not come between me and the love of my God. Share on X

Something to think about…

Is there something in your life which is holding you back from knowing the truth? Name it and believe that it is from the powers of hell. Now read over the Bible verse and say it out aloud. Especially the verse “Not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” let this sink into your heart. I know that is what I am going to try and do.

Prayer

Lord, we all have something in our life holding us back from believing the truth that you love us. Help us to overcome these obstacles and move forwards. Help us to sink into the knowledge that you truly love us. There is nothing that will ever separate us from that. Amen.

Abuse, Faith

God Loves a Willing Heart

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God loves a willing heart

God called Mary. He called her to do the unthinkable. I’m not referring to giving birth to the Son of God although, that was pretty major! No, I’m referring to God calling Mary to be willing and God loves a willing heart.

Think about it. 

Mary had to be willing to do as God called her in the face of adversity. She was going to face her hardest trial yet. Mary was young, poor, not yet married…and was pregnant! People she knew and loved would turn their backs on her.

Mary had never been intimate with a man before therefore, how can she be pregnant? Can you imagine the gossip going around? The looks. The innuendos. People talking behind her back. 

What would you do if you were in her shoes? 

Well, I feel a little like Mary at the moment. No, I am not pregnant! I feel God is asking me if I am ready to take the next step in carrying out His purpose in my life. 

I’ve had a stirring in my heart now for about 3-4 years. I said yes to God for Him to use me and to use what I had been through in my past. It’s been a long period of cultivating my heart and waiting on what God wants me to do.

It’s not been easy. Sometimes it’s been a painful learning process but, God has strengthened me in my healing. He gave me opportunities at various times to share my story.

Over the last 3-4 years, how He has wanted to use me has remained unanswered, and at times this has been frustrating. I want to help other people who have been through similar situations to my own and I know what I have been through in my life will make a difference for others. 

Well, this has changed over the last month. I feel a big stirring inside me that something big is going to happen. I’ll be honest though…I am scared!

I’m on the launch team for Mary DeMuth’s book “We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crises”. When I saw what this book was about, I realised I had to jump at the chance to be on the launch team. I am passionate about helping people who have been sexually abused.

The scary bit? Being a voice for those who need to be heard. This means being vulnerable and leaving myself open. And that is scary. 

I have questioned if this is the right thing for me to do. After all, I could just keep quiet and have an easier life! However, I feel I have this deep stirring in my heart and I need to be willing. No matter how scared I feel. This is what it means to have a willing heart in the moment when God asks something of you. 

Could you be like Mary?

Have you been praying for God to use you in some way and has He asked you to do the unthinkable? What would you honestly do?

Are you scared and would you respond by hiding away? Well, God will give you strength. 

Isaiah 41:10

Would you say you are not worthy to be chosen? Well, God says you are so worthy. 

John 15:16

Or, would you be like Mary and say, “Here I am, Lord”?

Luke 1:38

If you are scared, don’t be. We just need to have a willing heart. God will do the rest. He will prepare us for what is to come next. 

If you are scared, don’t be. We just need to have a willing heart. God will do the rest. Share on X

This post was originally written for the Five Minute Friday Community which is where a number of writers gather for a weekly writing challenge around a single word prompt. We write to our hearts content and only for five minutes (or there abouts). 

I couldn’t stick to five minutes on this one and ended up missing the link up! Doh!! The word prompt was “willing” and you can click here to view what other people have written. 

Abuse, Faith, Forgiveness

Forgiveness is Freeing

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As we approach Easter, I reflect on what Jesus did for me on the cross.  How He died, where He died, what He died for and what happened to His body afterwards causes me to look back on the moment where I stood by a graveside with the fate of someone’s forgiveness in my hands.

Is it possible to forgive someone when they have done wrong to you?

Continue reading Forgiveness is Freeing →

Abuse, Faith, Miracles

The Gift of Life: A Miracle in God’s Beautiful Timing

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This story first appeared as a feature on  Anna Smit and Debbie Barrow Michael’s blog as part of their 31 day write on Miracles.  It featured over two days because it wasn’t just one miracle that took place. A few days ago (4th January) was my daughters birthday and I have chosen to share the whole of my story here.

Being a Christian, I probably should automatically believe in miracles because of the whole “Jesus turning water into wine” thing, etc. Honestly though? These were just like stories to me…until I experienced my own miracles! I pray that whoever reads this will see that miracles, in whatever shape or form, are possible, and only by God’s loving grace.

Continue reading The Gift of Life: A Miracle in God’s Beautiful Timing →