Category Archives: Five Minute Friday

Absent Minded

2nd September 2023 Lynne Leave a comment

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?”
Psalm 13:1

I long for the void of what seems like an absent God to be fulfilled. It feels like God has either forgotten me, or he has turned his back against me. I know I have been taught God knows everything and never forgets me, but it’s not what I feel right now. Maybe the medication I am on is dulling my senses and this is the reason why I don’t feel God is around me anymore?

I know, as Christians, we go through seasons where we feel far from God. This is not a new phenomenon. It was the same with David in this Psalm, it’s the same with me, and I’m sure it is the same for many people reading this. (Do I hear a “hell, yeah!”)

It’s like sending a text message to someone, seeing they have read it and then they don’t answer.

Why don’t they answer?

Are they ignoring me?

Have I done something to upset them?

Do they not want to know me anymore?

Am I being abandoned?

These are the thoughts that go through my head. Working through these seasons where we feel God is ignoring us is not easy. Especially when feelings of being abandoned are conjured up. Memories from our childhood start to surface. Before we know it, we are consumed with what has happened in our past instead of what is going on now, or thinking of what the future holds.

It’s an ever decreasing spiral, and one that takes a lot of mental energy to turn around. Believe me, I know! I have been in a deep valley for a while now wondering if I will ever be on top of the mountain again. Where is God when I need Him? Where is He when all I see is a dead place?

Through gentle words of loving people, I have realised that I’ve acclimatised myself to these uncomfortable places.

I am the one who is absent.

I need to climb out of this deep valley in order to be more present with the One who I feel is absent. It’s not going to be easy, but I know it’s not impossible. I know, because I caught a glimpse of it last week when I went out for a walk with my family.

I stood at the top of the hill we had just climbed looking out for miles on end. For the first time in ages, I felt where God was. He was there all along…and He was just waiting for me to find Him. Well, for a moment, I found Him on that day. And this gives me hope to keep on climbing.

This post was written for the Five Minute Friday Community. A number of writers gather for a weekly writing challenge around a single word prompt and write to our hearts content, but only for five minutes (or their abouts).

This weeks word prompt is ‘absence’. Click here if you want to see what other people wrote. You can also have a go yourself. What do you think of when you hear the word ‘absence’?

Faith, Five Minute Friday

City on a Hill

8th September 2021 Lynne 1 Comment

We live in a mixed up world where light and darkness exists at the same time. All around us we have both good and bad things going on. Picture the homeless man sitting on the sidewalk because he was evicted from his home. This coexists with a stranger offering him some food as he walks by him. The darkness alongside the light.

God wants to use us so much. He wants us to be a light so we will shine into the darkness of people’s lives. He wants us to be like a city on a hill for all to see.

God wants to use us so much. He wants us to be a light so we will shine into the darkness of people’s lives. Share on X

But what happens if we feel we are not bright enough to shine because we have hidden dark areas in our own life?

For a while I use to think I was unfit to represent a light from God. I always thought I had to be perfect. After all, who wants to receive hope from someone who doesn’t have all their shit together?

I use to look at other people in ministry and see how perfect and together they were. I thought I had to be like them in order to minister to other people. It felt like I came up short compared to everyone else.

It’s taken me a while, but I have realised that I don’t need to be perfect to show others what the light can look like in the darkness. God isn’t calling us to have all our shit figured out before we can serve Him. The people in this world are not daft. They can see when Christianity looks fake and they won’t want any part of it.

What the people of the world needs to see when they are in their deepest, darkest places are people who show courageous vulnerability. They need people who are honest with what they show in their lives. When the world sees this, they see the light of God within us.

So, here I am, with the rough edges I have and the darkness I carry. I’m ready to be the city on a hill for all to see.

Suggested listening

City on a Hill by Nick & Becky Drake

This weeks word prompt is ‘city’. Click here if you want to see what other people wrote. You can also have a go yourself. What do you think of when you hear the word ‘city ’?

Faith, Five Minute Friday

Desperate to be Loved

30th August 2021 Lynne 2 Comments

Growing up, something felt missing. That feeling lasted throughout my childhood and well into my teens. It was that deep connection we want with other people. For me, it seemed that everywhere I turned I experienced some form of rejection. As I got older, finding a connection became harder. I was desperate to be loved.

As well as the sexual abuse I suffered, which I wrote about in my previous post, I also experienced bullying throughout the majority of my school life. It didn’t matter what I did, I didn’t seem to fit in. It was almost like my “friends” new the dark secret I was keeping. They thought I was unclean and they didn’t want anything to do with me.

I felt like I had no where to turn. I was so desperate to make friends. Even within the church I felt like an outsider. Well, who wants to be friends with the pastors kid?

I was so desperate to be loved.

Maybe that’s why I ended up experiencing this warped version of love when I was being abused. This then carried on into my teens with the countless boyfriends I had. With what I had been through, I was so ashamed of myself that I didn’t know love could be something enjoyable.

I wish I knew back then what I know now. I didn’t need to be so desperate for someone to love me. Guess what? I am already loved. Just as I am. I don’t need to do anything else extra.

There is nothing in our past, in our present, or even in our future, that can keep us from the love which God has for us.

This weeks word prompt is ‘desperate’. Click here if you want to see what other people wrote. You can also have a go yourself. What do you think of when you hear the word ‘desperate ’?

Abuse, Faith, Five Minute Friday

Choosing to Heal to Lift Others

24th June 2021 Lynne 4 Comments

I am taking part this week in the Five Minute Friday word prompt. This is where a single word is given and you write whatever comes into your head about this word. Sometimes nothing comes into my head, so I don’t always take part. Other times I might think of something, but never get 5 minutes to write. When I do write, however, it is because I have something on my heart which I would like to share.

This weeks word prompt is one of those moments where I felt prompted to share with you. The word prompt for this week is ‘lift’. (Read here to see what other people wrote). In a nutshell, when I think of the word lift, I think of how we can bring hope to other people. This is my rambling thought for this week…

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

I share content that may trigger some memories for you. If that is the case, then please seek some help if necessary, and be kind to yourself.

As a childhood sexual abuse survivor, every day I make the decision to heal from the impact of the abuse I suffered. Some days are easier than others and I can process some of the shit that goes around in my head. Other days I just choose not to deal with it. Sometimes it is easier to “box and shelve” it rather than open it up and make a mess everywhere. Then there are the days when everything spills everywhere anyway and I end up in a mess.

Either way, I wake up each morning facing the same decision to make…do I want to heal? And my answer is always yes! Why? Because I want to be able to lift other people up and bring hope to those who have been through similar experiences. I want to be a voice for those who do not have a voice. I want to show to others that it is possible to live after suffering something so traumatic.

“Bless the world with your mind, heal the world with your heart, lift the world with your soul; elevate the world with your life.”
Matshona Dhliwayo

It’s not been easy

This healing journey I’ve been on has been a challenge. Some days have been so dark it’s been hard to see the light. I’ve often wondered if all this is worth it, fighting for what is right. But when I look at my children, I realise it is. I would never want them to experience what I experienced as a child growing up. No child should experience abuse, in whatever form.

If speaking out helps a child to say stop, or lifts up an adult to see hope, then it is totally worth going through the pain of healing. I couldn’t have gotten through this healing process though if it wasn’t for my faith, and also the unwavering support of my husband lifting me up. Without these, I wouldn’t have had the grace, strength and perseverance to continue.

If speaking out helps a child to say stop, or lifts up an adult to see hope, then it is totally worth going through the pain of healing. Share on X

Faith, Five Minute Friday

Going Slow

9th June 2021 Lynne Leave a comment

When I started writing this on Friday, we were travelling back from our week away in Devon. We were going slow! In other words, we were stuck in traffic. It wouldn’t be too bad if we were just down the road. But when you had been travelling for 3 hours already with 150 miles still to go and all whilst entertaining 5 kids, going slow was not my idea of fun.

However, there was one thing I had noticed. Nature. When I took the time to look up and look out it was amazing what I could see.

Isn’t it like that with life though? We always seem to be in the fast lane rushing to get to the next item on our agenda. There is never any time to slow down and reflect on what has happened or what we are heading into.

Lockdown seemed to have slowed things down, but only for a little while. It’s almost like we are now trying to race against each other to get ahead in the game again.

But at what cost?

Going slow is not such a bad thing. I mean, if it was fine for Jesus to go slow (and look at how much he achieved) then it’s got to be fine for us, right? Jesus was never in a rush to do anything. He moved at the pace God set for him (and you know how patient we have to be sometimes when we wait for God).

And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.  1 John 2:17

When we rush around at the pace of the world around us, we miss out on what is more important in life. If we had travelled at the speed limit we could have done, I would not have noticed the outside world. Going slow helped me to look up and take notice at the small details around me. Such as, the lone tree standing in the field and the vibrant colours of the field.

When we rush around at the pace of the world around us, we miss out on what is more important in life. Share on X

When we continue at the fast paced speed the world sets us, we become unaware of who or what is around us which we need to recognise. Going slow helps us to notice the people who are standing alone in society around us. Going slow helps us to be more sensitive to the injustices that take place in this world. It helps us too open our hearts and be in tune with what God wants us to see.

Something to think about…

Do you feel like you are living life in the fast lane? Maybe it’s time to go slow and examine what is going on around us. Take 5 minutes to stop and listen to what is going on around you. You may be surprised at the beauty you may see, or the opportunities that may cross your road.

Prayer

Lord, help me to go slow. Alleviate my pulsating heart when it feels too fast. Quieten the business of my mind. Slow down the pace of my life. Help me to see the world through your eyes and to notice when others around me are in need. Amen.

This was written for the Five Minute Friday Community, where a number of writers gather for a weekly writing challenge around a single word prompt and write to our hearts content, but only for five minutes (or there abouts).

This weeks word prompt is ‘slow’. Click here if you want to see what other people wrote. You can also have a go yourself. What do you think of when you hear the word ‘slow ’?

Beautifully Broke

Category Archives: Five Minute Friday