Category Archives: Faith

Faith

Who is in control?

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When someone offers to help you, what do you do? Do you…

a) Say thank you, but no thank you. I am perfectly capable of doing this all on my own. I mean seriously, do you think I can’t do this or something?

b) Say thank you, but then moan about the support you get because it’s not how you would have done it.

c) Say thank you, but then feel so worthless because you couldn’t do it yourself in the first place.

How would I answer?

Honestly?

Probably all three.

I have to be in control. Why? Because I need to know what happens…how it happens…and when it happens. I need to plan in my mind every eventuality that would take place in every situation. I don’t like not knowing what is going to happen…or not happen as the case may be.

Maybe this stems from my childhood…not knowing when my abuser was going to turn up and what “game” he would play next. Or, not knowing what I was going to face the next day at school with my “friends” in the playground. Or, not knowing if what I had achieved was ever going to be good enough.

For me, there are so many different aspects as to why I have to be in control.

Control is about self worth in one aspect.  I feel weak if I let people help me. And if they do help me, I don’t feel worthy of receiving the help (this is the part where I don’t like myself so much…so why should God love me…and therefore why should I let Him help me). Letting other people help will also show my inadequacies and that actually I’m probably pretty rubbish at what I do.

This is what the Bible says though…

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I am trying hard to hold on to this  I’m not perfect though, which leads me on to the next aspect of why I have to be in control…

Control is about doing something well and doing it perfectly. As a perfectionist, giving control over to someone else who does things differently to me is not the idea of being perfect. I have such a hold up about the way people do things. It is not how I would do it. Does this make it wrong though? In reality? No, it doesn’t

Also, if I let someone else take control, they will either get it wrong, let me down or create more stress for me. Or will they?

How someone else does something may not be how I do it, but ultimately we both end up in the same place, but we just took a different route to each other. Does it really matter how we got there?

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As for letting God take control, well, that’s a completely different thing altogether. Not knowing what His plans are is the hardest bit, and trusting Him with my life? Well, that’s a whole new ball game altogether! Trust and faith play a key role in letting Him do His stuff, and when you’ve had a past like mine, it’s hard to let go.

But, I think the main thing is that I am trying.

 

Abuse, Faith, Miracles

The Gift of Life: A Miracle in God’s Beautiful Timing

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This story first appeared as a feature on  Anna Smit and Debbie Barrow Michael’s blog as part of their 31 day write on Miracles.  It featured over two days because it wasn’t just one miracle that took place. A few days ago (4th January) was my daughters birthday and I have chosen to share the whole of my story here.

Being a Christian, I probably should automatically believe in miracles because of the whole “Jesus turning water into wine” thing, etc. Honestly though? These were just like stories to me…until I experienced my own miracles! I pray that whoever reads this will see that miracles, in whatever shape or form, are possible, and only by God’s loving grace.

Continue reading The Gift of Life: A Miracle in God’s Beautiful Timing →
Faith

Why Wait Until the New Year to Change?

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We can breath now and let out that big sigh of relief…*SIGH*…All the rushing around before Christmas, getting stressed out and making sure that everything was ready in time, is now all over. The “day” has been and gone.

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We are still finding wrapping paper in places we hadn’t opened presents…There is still that brussel sprout somewhere on the floor that pinged off the plate during the Christmas meal (funny how it pings in one direction and it ends up in a completely different place. I’m sure it will come to light some day!) The children are back to arguing over who wants to play with what present (they seem to have more energy now after the event than before, and we are absolutely wiped out!)

Do you know what day is coming up next though? New. Years. Day. We start to prepare ourselves in a different way. Instead of preparing ourselves physically like we did for Christmas…making sure that we had everything in order, we prepare ourselves mentally. We think about the year that we have had and wonder what year we are going to get. Will we have a good year filled with wonderful surprises and blessings, or will it be a year where yet again a loved one is lost, or we face some kind of difficult circumstance that we have to work through.

This is the time of the year where we start to count down the days to when we can start things over again. Let’s forget about the year that we have gone through and look forward to starting afresh. We think about the New Year’s resolutions that we could make and wonder how long we can keep them for this time. We perceive the New Year as a time where we think that things will change. A time where we say we will do things differently.

Instead of thinking that we could actually change right here, right now, we carry on in our own sweet way and justify our current thinking with, “the New Year is coming soon, so I will re-start then. What does it matter?”

Why wait for the New Year though? What is so special about it? I mean, in reality, it really is just another day. If you want to make a difference to your life, why not just start right now? Why wait until the world says it starts on 1st January?

How you change what is happening in your life and the circumstances around you is determined on how you perceive situations and how you learn from them.

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How you perceive what is happening in your life is what makes you feel whether you have succeeded in making a change in your life for the better.

Do you see that you have failed as a parent when you lost it for two seconds because the kids were screaming at each other? Or do you see that you are a parent that is so physically tired that you don’t give yourself a break because you always put your kids first?

Do you know what helps me to think that I don’t need to wait until January 1st to start afresh? Why I can start afresh at anytime? I have God’s amazing grace with me. This is why my perspective is different. I know that I can get through any day with God by my side. If I mess up, which often happens, I know that God is there ready and waiting for me with His abundant grace.

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When we have a grip of God’s grace, we can then learn to take hold of our messes from the previous day and use them to clean up on our act for the next day.

Why don’t you join me in starting afresh right now and take hold of that amazing Grace that God will give you?

Faith

Under The Weather

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This was me last week under the covers, with the fire on. I was feeling a bit fed up and sorry for myself with constantly not feeling well. I just wanted to get better. I wanted to be able to get up in the morning and feel like I hadn’t got something else wrong with me.

I apologise right now if I come across a little bit moany or ungrateful. I know that I should be thankful for the health that I do have. I know I’m not dying. I’m just saying how I feel at the moment, which is just a little bit crappy really. I’m just being honest.

I am 95% there now with my back and it’s great to be able to walk properly again. I can now keep up with the kids a bit more, which is kind of important when you are trying to catch them at something…and walking up the stairs doesn’t take me half an hour now!

I was ill last week though with a cold, topped off with an ear infection in both ears.  Dizziness… headaches… sneezing… feeling sick… earache… sore throat… aching… I think I will stop there!

I was trying to work out earlier when the last time was when I actually felt fit and healthy. You know where you can bounce out of bed and feel on top of the world.  I think it’s been a little over a year now to say the least. It feels a bit ridiculous, and frustrating at the same time, that I always have something wrong with me – and it’s been for so long.

Have you ever felt like that?

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It’s been one thing after another.  And honestly, when you feel a little bit under the weather, it is hard to feel positive. My friends probably look at me and think, “what’s wrong with her now?” I know I do!

There is something keeping me going through all this though…my faith. My faith gives me perseverance to carry on. I’m not saying it’s easy and that I don’t struggle, coz I do. Oh my word, do I struggle. So much so, that sometimes all I can do is just cry and shout out to God.

Shout out to God? Yeah, I shout at Him…I tell Him EXACTLY how I feel.  Why not? That’s what He’s there for after all.

When you are trying to look after yourself, and you have three little ones around you that are not well either…well, it’s blinkin’ hard! But somehow, I cope. I might not feel like I am at the time, but I do get through it. I can only believe that God is providing me with the grace and strength that I need to get through each day. He will never give me more than what I can cope with. I know that.

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If you are going through something right now, and you are finding it hard to cope,  hang in there. You may not feel it right now, but God is there right beside you…and He will not let you fall.