Category Archives: Faith

Faith, Five Minute Friday

Absent Minded

Leave a comment

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?”
Psalm 13:1

I long for the void of what seems like an absent God to be fulfilled. It feels like God has either forgotten me, or he has turned his back against me. I know I have been taught God knows everything and never forgets me, but it’s not what I feel right now. Maybe the medication I am on is dulling my senses and this is the reason why I don’t feel God is around me anymore? 

I know, as Christians, we go through seasons where we feel far from God. This is not a new phenomenon. It was the same with David in this Psalm, it’s the same with me, and I’m sure it is the same for many people reading this. (Do I hear a “hell, yeah!”) 

It’s like sending a text message to someone, seeing they have read it and then they don’t answer. 

Why don’t they answer? 

Are they ignoring me? 

Have I done something to upset them? 

Do they not want to know me anymore? 

Am I being abandoned?

These are the thoughts that go through my head. Working through these seasons where we feel God is ignoring us is not easy. Especially when feelings of being abandoned are conjured up. Memories from our childhood start to surface. Before we know it, we are consumed with what has happened in our past instead of what is going on now, or thinking of what the future holds. 

It’s an ever decreasing spiral, and one that takes  a lot of mental energy to turn around. Believe me, I know! I have been in a deep valley for a while now wondering if I will ever be on top of the mountain again. Where is God when I need Him? Where is He when all I see is a dead place? 

Through gentle words of loving people, I have realised that I’ve acclimatised myself to these uncomfortable places. 

I am the one who is absent. 

I need to climb out of this deep valley in order to be more present with the One who I feel is absent. It’s not going to be easy, but I know it’s not impossible. I know, because I caught a glimpse of it last week when I went out for a walk with my family. 

I stood at the top of the hill we had just climbed looking out for miles on end. For the first time in ages, I felt where God was. He was there all along…and He was just waiting for me to find Him. Well, for a moment, I found Him on that day. And this gives me hope to keep on climbing. 

Absent

This post was written for the Five Minute Friday Community. A number of writers gather for a weekly writing challenge around a single word prompt and write to our hearts content, but only for five minutes (or their abouts).

This weeks word prompt is ‘absence’. Click here if you want to see what other people wrote. You can also have a go yourself. What do you think of when you hear the word ‘absence’?

Faith

Christmas is the Most Wonderful Time of the Year…or is it?

Leave a comment

Christmas is meant to be “the most wonderful time of the year”, or so the song says. I wonder if Andy Williams was in the real world when he sung that song. “Kids jingle belling”? More like kids jingle yelling! Who’s with me on that one? 

It is meant to be a time of celebration, whether you believe in what Christmas is about or not. It’s not just about exchanging gifts, although I know it can seem nice, but that does cause a lot of pressure. Christmas is not about the food we eat or the amount of drink we have, although I am enjoying indulging a little, even if my waistline isn’t. 

This Christmas has not been an easy one. Circumstances beyond my control have made me re-think what Christmas means to me. I wrote quite vulnerably in a previous post wondering where God is in the midst of my mess. So with this in mind, trying to focus on what Christmas is about has been quite a challenge.

Christmas candlelight

A new way of seeing

We are in a season where, despite the darkness, there is plenty of light around us: The lights we put around the house; the decorations on the tree; the candles we light. However, when you feel the light is not enough, trying to find a new way of seeing things is hard when you feel you are surrounded by the darkness. I certainly struggled to “be of good cheer” at “the most wonderful time of the year”.

In the lead-up to Christmas, I was focussing on what was missing around me. Then it clicked. I needed to shift my focus. I needed to look towards what I had, and not worry about what, or who, was missing.

Earlier, I mentioned that Christmas is not about the exchanging of gifts. However, maybe Christmas is about a type of ‘present’. Not the gifts we give, but about how we can be present with each other. Christmas is about focussing on the people we have around us and coming together to help each other. 

Christmas is about focussing on the people we have around us and coming together to help each other.  Share on X

Once I realised this, I started to look inward instead of outward. My heart then began to glow because I became more present with the loved ones I had near. I saw in my children the joy they bring, and in my husband the love I needed so much. Christmas, to me, then became a little more wonderful again. 

Faith

What Do I Do When I Don’t Feel God?

3 Comments

Life can feel pretty messy. And I’m not talking about getting-your-hands-a-bit-dirty type of messy. On the contrary, I’m on about the full-blown, knee-deep-in-shit type of messy. That’s where I am at the moment – Knee deep in life’s messy crap! 

I feel like I am going through one of the most trying times of my life right now. Every week seems to present itself with a new challenge. As each week goes by, I wonder how much more I can take. How much more is God going to give me?

How am I coping?

You may ask, and I might answer – maybe not always truthfully. Most people probably get “I’m fine” or “it’s ok”. But the truth is, I’m not fine and I am not ok. In fact, I’m at the point where I am questioning where God is in all of this mess. 

I still believe in God. That much is certain. With everything we are going through, I struggle to see what His plans are. Right now, I can’t see how anything good can come from what is going on. 

I turn up to church feeling like a hypocrite. I’m supposed to be singing and praising God, but I just feel dead. I feel like there is a spirit of heaviness upon me, wrapping its arms around me and clinging on tight.

So why bother going?

That has been the question going through my mind. Why do I bother going if I can’t pray and sing praises? What is the point? This was what I said, quite flippantly, to a trusted friend at church. And their response?

Just. Keep. Coming. 

All that is needed is for me to turn up and come as I am…along with my messes. Nothing more. Nothing less. This moment where I feel like there is a hole which feels so empty, is a moment where I let others come around me and fill that hole for me. They stand around me and sing and pray when I feel I can’t.

This moment where I feel like there is a hole which feels so empty, is a moment where I let others come around me and fill that hole for me. Share on X

Maybe this is where God is working His purpose out. Maybe He is working through other people to help me. So, here I am, just as I am (with my messy shit) asking for those to come around me and to stand in the gap with me. Whatever happens, I’ll just keep coming, and leave God to work out the rest. 

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. 
Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT)
Faith, Write 31 Days Challenge 2021

31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 27 – I Am Amazing

Leave a comment
31 Days of Bible Affirmations - Day 27 - I am Amazing
31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 27 – I am Amazing
How you made me is amazing and wonderful. I praise you for that. What you have done is wonderful. I know that very well. Psalm 139:14

I Am Amazing

My daughter, Isabella, is three and a half years old. She is the second born twin and our fifth (and final may I add) child. Isabella may only be a child, but what I see in her I very rarely see in adults. 

Isabella seems to have this special connection with God which flows through her to other people around her. She lights up the room as soon as she walks in and has this insane ability to make you laugh and smile. Something I know I naturally find hard to do. But with Isabella, she can even make me laugh; to the point that I consider it pure joy. 

Continue reading 31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 27 – I Am Amazing →
Faith, Write 31 Days Challenge 2021

31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 26 – I Am Held

1 Comment
31 Days of Bible Affirmations - Day 26 - I Am Held
31 Days of Bible Affirmations – Day 26 – I Am Held

I Am Held

"Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.“  Isaiah 46:3-4 (NIV)

I am often woken up during the night by one of my children. There was one night I was woken abruptly by the sound of one of the twins screaming. No amount of milk or pain relief would soothe her. All I could do was just hold her in my arms tightly close to my chest. I would just keep whispering in her ears, “don’t worry, everything is ok. Mummy has got you.”

Thinking about it though, I have always held each of my children. From the moment they were conceived I held them inside me. When I gave birth to them, I held them in my arms. Even now as they are older, I will console them and hold them. I will continue to be there for them for as long as I am able to. I may not be able to physically hold them, but they will be held in my mind.

Whilst I was holding one of my twins and soothing her, I came to the realisation that this is how God is with me. Going through the trials I am facing right now provides a whole heap of pain. It doesn’t matter how much pain relief I try, such as scrolling through Twitter, having a glass of wine (or two) or binge watching on Netflix, it doesn’t take away the pain. 

What helps to relieve my pain is knowing that God has hold of me during my hard times. He is gently whispering in my ear “don’t worry, everything is ok. I am holding on to you.”

Something to think about…

I know the season I am in is a hard one, but I also know it isn’t going to last forever. What does last forever is God’s love. Knowing that He is holding me tightly is what is going to sustain me through these hard seasons.

If you feel you are going through a painful time right now, take heart, dear one. Fall into His arms and let Him hold you tightly. 

Why not have a go at personalising Isaiah 46:3-4 and re-write in your own words what you feel God is saying to you. You could also use my version and change to your own name. 

“Listen up, Lynne! It was I who created you. In fact, I have been carrying you since before you were born. At no point did you ever have to carry me. Lynne, from the day of your birth, I have taken care of you, carrying you in my arms. And I will do so throughout your whole lifetime, even when you are old. Why? Because, Lynne, you are my child. I made you, and I will take care of you. I am your Creator, your Maker and your Care-giver. Rest assured, I will carry you, Lynne, through every situation, for I am your also your Savior.”

If you enjoyed reading my thoughts on today’s Bible affirmation then why not catch up on my other thoughts for previous days.