I clearly remember what happened to me when I was 3 years old and the shame that came with it. Some people say this is far too young to remember specific details.
I disagree.
I remember what my room was like and where furniture was positioned. Every detail of what was done by a man I didn’t know is still in my mind. I vividly remember the shame felt when I spoke of what was done.
Continue reading Shame – From the Eyes of a Three Year Old
One of my favourite stories in the Bible is the Samaritan woman at the well. I love how Jesus meets her there right where she is. He sees her with all the shame she is carrying and just loves her for who she is. It doesn’t matter what she has been through. He still loves her.
I often imagine the woman at the well is me. The one carrying all the shame. Jesus loving me just for who I am, no matter what I have been through. This is what I would imagine…
It was the heat of the day. No-one is usually here at this time. It’s the only time when I feel safe to come out. I looked around just to make sure no-one else was about. But you were there.
You sat by Jacobs Well looking tired. Your feet were dusty and I could see the sweat on your brow.
I didn’t know what to do.
I contemplated on whether to come back another day, but I needed water. My jar was empty and I was thirsty. I am always thirsty.
For water.
Thirsty for love.
For life.
Hesitantly, I made my way to the well, constantly looking around to make sure no-one else was watching. As I approached the well I kept my head down so you couldn’t see my face.
I didn’t want you to look me in the eyes. Looking into someone’s eyes can reveal a whole story about themselves and I was too ashamed for you to see mine.
If only you knew the pain I had to bare. The shame I had to carry.
“Will you give me a drink?” You asked. I sharply looked up. You spoke to me.
A Samaritan woman. Surely you were speaking to someone else, but no-one else was around. Aren’t you ashamed to be speaking to me?
You could see the shock on my face. I was scared. No one ever speaks to me unless it was to show me how displeasing I was to them. I am so use to being rejected. No-one values me anymore.
But there was something about you that was different. You weren’t like the other Jews. You were gentle and kind and your eyes showed love towards me. A different kind of love to what I am use to. I have never seen this love before.
You then spoke to me with such tenderness in your voice and told me about a gift God has for me.
Did you realise how ridiculous this sounded? Living water? Who can offer living water unless they were the Son of God? Surely not I thought. You had no bucket from which you could retrieve this water so I didn’t know if I could take you seriously.
I questioned how you could do this. I didn’t believe you, but then you said something which made my heart skip a beat.
“Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”
Oh how I wanted this water. I wanted to be satisfied. Revitalised. Clean. Free. I needed this water so much. More than you would ever know. If only you knew the real me. Maybe you wouldn’t be giving away this “living water” so freely.
What you asked me next though made my heart sink. You wanted to see my husband. I felt so ashamed. You must have seen the awkwardness I had written all over my face.
I said I had no husband. I wasn’t lying. It’s just that I didn’t want you to judge me. There’s this man that lives with me, but we’re not married.
You said you knew. How? Did you speak to someone before you saw me? I know they all talk about me behind my back. That wasn’t all you knew either.
“You don’t have a husband” you exclaimed, “for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!”
I could feel my face going red, and it wasn’t with the midday sun. There was only one way you would have known this. You must have been a prophet. What you revealed to me next just blew my mind.
You are the chosen one and you spoke to me. Me, a broken, shame-filled, unclean woman. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? For once in my life I no longer felt rejected. You released the shame I had carried inside me every day of my life. I felt so dirty, but you washed me clean with your love.
I felt free! For so many years I was an outcast and felt alone. You changed this and accepted me for who I was. I didn’t have to change myself either to be welcomed by you. You loved with open arms.
I couldn’t keep this feeling inside me, so I ran as fast as I could back to the village. I no longer felt the need to hide from anyone anymore. Everyone had to hear what you told me. And they listened. For the first time in my life people listened to me.
Because of you, I was no longer rejected by my people. Because of you, my life has been turned around. I have been set free from everything that kept me in chains. You have provided me with a hope and a future. I will be forever in your debt.
Thank you!
Because of you, I was no longer rejected by my people. Because of you, my life has been turned around. I have been set free from everything that kept me in chains. You have provided me with a hope and a future. I will be forever in… Share on XCan you imagine yourself being the woman at the well? Is there something in your life which you feel has tainted you? Jesus can provide you with a way of being released. You no longer need to feel shame for what you have been through. He loves you for who you are, just as you are.
Prayer
Lord, thank you so much that you meet us where we are in our circumstances. Nothing in the world will deter you from loving us. Thank you for accepting who we are. Help us to lift our eyes to you so we can see how much you love us. Amen.
When we look at our lives and consider what we have been through, we often wonder if we are able to offer anything of worth. Would God really take my shame and use it for His name?
Continue reading God will take what we have to offer, even if it’s broken
