“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?”
Psalm 13:1
I long for the void of what seems like an absent God to be fulfilled. It feels like God has either forgotten me, or he has turned his back against me. I know I have been taught God knows everything and never forgets me, but it’s not what I feel right now. Maybe the medication I am on is dulling my senses and this is the reason why I don’t feel God is around me anymore?
I know, as Christians, we go through seasons where we feel far from God. This is not a new phenomenon. It was the same with David in this Psalm, it’s the same with me, and I’m sure it is the same for many people reading this. (Do I hear a “hell, yeah!”)
It’s like sending a text message to someone, seeing they have read it and then they don’t answer.
Why don’t they answer?
Are they ignoring me?
Have I done something to upset them?
Do they not want to know me anymore?
Am I being abandoned?
These are the thoughts that go through my head. Working through these seasons where we feel God is ignoring us is not easy. Especially when feelings of being abandoned are conjured up. Memories from our childhood start to surface. Before we know it, we are consumed with what has happened in our past instead of what is going on now, or thinking of what the future holds.
It’s an ever decreasing spiral, and one that takes a lot of mental energy to turn around. Believe me, I know! I have been in a deep valley for a while now wondering if I will ever be on top of the mountain again. Where is God when I need Him? Where is He when all I see is a dead place?
Through gentle words of loving people, I have realised that I’ve acclimatised myself to these uncomfortable places.
I am the one who is absent.
I need to climb out of this deep valley in order to be more present with the One who I feel is absent. It’s not going to be easy, but I know it’s not impossible. I know, because I caught a glimpse of it last week when I went out for a walk with my family.
I stood at the top of the hill we had just climbed looking out for miles on end. For the first time in ages, I felt where God was. He was there all along…and He was just waiting for me to find Him. Well, for a moment, I found Him on that day. And this gives me hope to keep on climbing.
This post was written for the Five Minute Friday Community. A number of writers gather for a weekly writing challenge around a single word prompt and write to our hearts content, but only for five minutes (or their abouts).
This weeks word prompt is ‘absence’. Click here if you want to see what other people wrote. You can also have a go yourself. What do you think of when you hear the word ‘absence’?
