Tag Archives: Trust

Faith

Who is in control?

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When someone offers to help you, what do you do? Do you…

a) Say thank you, but no thank you. I am perfectly capable of doing this all on my own. I mean seriously, do you think I can’t do this or something?

b) Say thank you, but then moan about the support you get because it’s not how you would have done it.

c) Say thank you, but then feel so worthless because you couldn’t do it yourself in the first place.

How would I answer?

Honestly?

Probably all three.

I have to be in control. Why? Because I need to know what happens…how it happens…and when it happens. I need to plan in my mind every eventuality that would take place in every situation. I don’t like not knowing what is going to happen…or not happen as the case may be.

Maybe this stems from my childhood…not knowing when my abuser was going to turn up and what “game” he would play next. Or, not knowing what I was going to face the next day at school with my “friends” in the playground. Or, not knowing if what I had achieved was ever going to be good enough.

For me, there are so many different aspects as to why I have to be in control.

Control is about self worth in one aspect.  I feel weak if I let people help me. And if they do help me, I don’t feel worthy of receiving the help (this is the part where I don’t like myself so much…so why should God love me…and therefore why should I let Him help me). Letting other people help will also show my inadequacies and that actually I’m probably pretty rubbish at what I do.

This is what the Bible says though…

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I am trying hard to hold on to this  I’m not perfect though, which leads me on to the next aspect of why I have to be in control…

Control is about doing something well and doing it perfectly. As a perfectionist, giving control over to someone else who does things differently to me is not the idea of being perfect. I have such a hold up about the way people do things. It is not how I would do it. Does this make it wrong though? In reality? No, it doesn’t

Also, if I let someone else take control, they will either get it wrong, let me down or create more stress for me. Or will they?

How someone else does something may not be how I do it, but ultimately we both end up in the same place, but we just took a different route to each other. Does it really matter how we got there?

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As for letting God take control, well, that’s a completely different thing altogether. Not knowing what His plans are is the hardest bit, and trusting Him with my life? Well, that’s a whole new ball game altogether! Trust and faith play a key role in letting Him do His stuff, and when you’ve had a past like mine, it’s hard to let go.

But, I think the main thing is that I am trying.

 

Abuse, Faith, Miracles

The Gift of Life: A Miracle in God’s Beautiful Timing

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This story first appeared as a feature on  Anna Smit and Debbie Barrow Michael’s blog as part of their 31 day write on Miracles.  It featured over two days because it wasn’t just one miracle that took place. A few days ago (4th January) was my daughters birthday and I have chosen to share the whole of my story here.

Being a Christian, I probably should automatically believe in miracles because of the whole “Jesus turning water into wine” thing, etc. Honestly though? These were just like stories to me…until I experienced my own miracles! I pray that whoever reads this will see that miracles, in whatever shape or form, are possible, and only by God’s loving grace.

Continue reading The Gift of Life: A Miracle in God’s Beautiful Timing →
Trust

A Pain in the Head!

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I have had a headache now for twenty-one days (not that I am counting).  IIMG_4440[1] suffer with headaches generally, but they don’t usually last for this long.  To say that I am slightly irritated with this is a little bit of an understatement…I’m sure that my husband and friends can vouch for this!  I have been so moody and snappy with almost just about everyone I know, especially with those that I love. This is so unlike me as well.  I know I’m not the most diplomatic of people and I say things straight to the point. Well, I’m your typical Northerner I reckon, so I see that there is no point in mixing my words or beating around the bush.  At least you know what you get with me!  I try not to offend anyone, which I know is sometimes hard to do. For those that know me though, they know how to take me, which is with a pinch of salt!

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Anyway, with these headaches, I have been even more diplomatic than usual! NOT!! I have tried over-the-counter medication (the strongest that I can get without going through a doctor) and that has not helped.  It numbs the pain for maybe an hour if I am lucky, but the pain soon comes back with vengeance. I tried to resist having wine, but in the end I succumbed to it! For anyone who knows me, they will know that I absolutely love a good red wine.  It did help to numb the head a little, but only in the short term.

 

Anyhow, I finally resorted in going to the doctors. When it comes to the doctors, I will put everyone else in my family first and make time for them, but I don’t do the same for me.  I am always too busy to take care of myself.  If one of my children were ill, I would be straight up there without hesitation. I would drop whatever I was doing and then suffer the consequences later.  I would either have to make up the time owed at work, or whatever I was in the middle of doing would have to be finished off later. When it comes to myself though, I make up excuses.  When I have three children that are dependent on me; work full time; the upkeep of the home to attend to; other commitments outside work and home, then I just simply do not have the time to go to the doctors when there is so much to do.

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I can’t fault the doctor in anyway.  She was so good and checked me out really thoroughly.  It turns out that my blood pressure is a little on the high side, which may be the reason as to why I am having headaches.  Not good at my age really.  I’m not even 35 yet, and I have the small possibility that if I am not careful, there could be something more serious happening.  Am I worried?  You bet I am!  Who wouldn’t be?  I should try not to worry though.  So much energy is wasted on worrying, and my energy should be used for much more positive things.  I am finding at the moment, with all this worrying, that I am a little bit more negative about myself and situations I am in.

 

The devil loves it when I am like this…and oh boy does he take it to his advantage!  Peter has it all sewn up though when he tells us what to do with our worrying.  Basically, give all your worries to God, and be aware of the devil and what he is doing around you.  He is watching you, and ready and waiting for you to make any wrong move.  In my case, worrying about my headaches is causing me to snap at those people that love me dearly.  I need to hand everything over to God and to let him do His stuff.

1 Peter 5 7-9