Growing up, something felt missing. That feeling lasted throughout my childhood and well into my teens. It was that deep connection we want with other people. For me, it seemed that everywhere I turned I experienced some form of rejection. As I got older, finding a connection became harder. I was desperate to be loved.

As well as the sexual abuse I suffered, which I wrote about in my previous post, I also experienced bullying throughout the majority of my school life.  It didn’t matter what I did, I didn’t seem to fit in. It was almost like my “friends” new the dark secret I was keeping. They thought I was unclean and they didn’t want anything to do with me. 

I felt like I had no where to turn. I was so desperate to make friends. Even within the church I felt like an outsider. Well, who wants to be friends with the pastors kid? 

I was so desperate to be loved. 

Maybe that’s why I ended up experiencing this warped version of love when I was being abused. This then carried on into my teens with the countless boyfriends I had. With what I had been through, I was so ashamed of myself that I didn’t know love could be something enjoyable. 

I wish I knew back then what I know now. I didn’t need to be so desperate for someone to love me. Guess what? I am already loved. Just as I am. I don’t need to do anything else extra. 

There is nothing in our past, in our present, or even in our future, that can keep us from the love which God has for us. 

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This post was written for the Five Minute Friday Community. A number of writers gather for a weekly writing challenge around a single word prompt and write to our hearts content, but only for five minutes (or there abouts).

This weeks word prompt is ‘desperate’. Click here if you want to see what other people wrote. You can also have a go yourself. What do you think of when you hear the word ‘desperate ’?