I have already mentioned in a previous post that I haven’t made any New Years resolutions this year. I don’t see the point as it’s just too much pressure to try and keep one. Especially when you’re the parent of small children, right?
Instead, I’m focusing on one word (midst) which I hope will keep me centred throughout the year. This is the first post that I am writing, which focuses on this word, and I hope to write one each month for the rest of the year.
I, of all people, should be thankful for my children. It took me 5 years to conceive to have my first, and she was nothing short of a miracle when she came into this world. But do you know what? This parenting lark is hard. Oh my word! Hard is an understatement.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
Our God is an intentional God. When He does things, it’s not by accident. He intends to do them. This also applies to ourselves. I was not made by accident. I was not some random passing thought. God intentionally created me. He intentionally created you too.
I know what you might be thinking (coz I think this too sometimes)…
Hang on a minute. Me? He intended to create me? God created me on purpose?
Yes! You are not by accident.
I find this hard to grasp at times depending on what I am feeling and what situations I go through. On a good day I’ll accept He fearfully and wonderfully made me just the way I am. He will use me just as He intended to further the works for His Kingdom.
My life, at times, has been filled with circumstances that has certainly made it feel like I have been on a roller coaster ride. With its ups and downs and twisting turns, I’ve had to hold on tight in each moment with the fear that one day I will come off the rails. Somehow, I seem to hang on, and I overcome each situation I am faced with.
I’m not like that when it comes to being on a real roller coaster. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. I don’t hold on to anything and I throw my hands in the air. At each turn that is made I am free to let go. I have nothing holding me back and I am safe in the restraints that are holding me.
When I look back on what I have been through in my life I often wonder how I got through those hair raising moments. It’s only when the ride has finished do I then see where I have been. I also see Who has been holding me safely in it all.
The twists and turns that have sent my head spinning…God was there.
The dark passages that I’ve been through…God was there.
The steep hill that had to be climbed…God was there.
The moments that I had when my world was turned upside down…God was there.
God was there in my roller-coasting life and He has been my restraints to keep me safe. He has been the One that has been with me on the tracks of my life and has helped me to overcome my fears and face whatever ride comes next.
To depend on someone means to rely on them. I’m quite an independent person, so to rely on someone else for help very rarely happens. The only exception for me is my husband of course – I wouldn’t be where I am today without him.
Since I have been back from holiday, which was only 4 weeks ago (but seems like it has been half a year), I have hit the ground running with the busyness of life and what it throws at me. I have been relying totally on myself, and my husband, to get me through to the next day.
Anything that life has been throwing at me, I have been placing into a box and shelving it to one side hoping to deal with it later. Honestly though? Maybe I was hoping those things I was shelving would deal with itself and get lost in the process! Don’t tell me that you’ve never felt like you wanted to hide away from life, or to brush things under the rug hoping no-one finds it to dig it back up again.
We can’t keep sweeping things under the rug, or putting situations into a box and shelving it. You know what happens when you just keep piling things up? Eventually, one day it will over flow and topple over and make a complete mess…And it takes longer to clean up!
This happened to me last week. I was so busy with life that I didn’t take as much time out as I needed to depend on the One who can really sort my messes out. I couldn’t even go to church one Sunday because I was too busy doing something else.
I rely on going to church to set me up for the week. I depend on it. I know I shouldn’t. It’s not church that I worship – it’s God. I should be able to worship God anywhere. I have no excuse though when I am at church and I guess I saw this as my “fix” for the week. God isn’t a one day of the week kind of God – He’s in it for the long haul.
Every. Single. Day.
I should be able to run to Him to depend on Him whenever I want to (and need to).
Last week, events finally caught up with me and I reacted in ways that I shouldn’t have done. Instead of depending on God first, I shelved it and tried to ignore what was happening. Until…BANG…it was too late and it all came crashing down around me. Or rather, I just flipped out and made everything crash down.
I lost it.
Not completely though. I shut myself in the office and put on worship music and sang as loud as I could. I didn’t care in that moment if anyone was listening. I came to my Father because I knew I needed Him.
I rely on Him.
I depend on Him.
There was one song in particular that really helped, which is Waves by Worship Central. (See clip below). Just letting the waves of God’s love wash over me was all I needed. Maybe it’s all you need too?
Something to think about…
Are you feeling really overwhelmed at the moment and struggling to make sense of what is happening? Don’t leave it too late for life to come crashing down. Take some time out to breath and depend on God for a little while. If it helps, play the clip below, close your eyes and just let the waves of God’s love wash over you. If necessary, find a friend you know that you can confide in and just talk.
Lord, once again I have lost my way and I have forgotten that you are there for me to depend on. Once again, I have tried to get through life by my own strength and abilities. I thought I knew what was best, but once again I was wrong. You are the One that can do anything, and I need to remember to trust in your abilities to get me though what I am facing. Amen.
I originally wrote this post as a response to the Five Minute Friday word prompt “depend”. Click here to see what other people wrote when they were prompted with this word.