Tag Archives: pressure

The Moment I Forgot Who I Depended On

To depend on someone means to rely on them. I’m quite an independent person, so to rely on someone else for help very rarely happens. The only exception for me is my husband of course – I wouldn’t be where I am today without him.

Since I have been back from holiday, which was only 4 weeks ago (but seems like it has been half a year), I have hit the ground running with the busyness of life and what it throws at me. I have been relying totally on myself, and my husband, to get me through to the next day.

Anything that life has been throwing at me, I have been placing into a box and shelving it to one side hoping to deal with it later. Honestly though? Maybe I was hoping those things I was shelving would deal with itself and get lost in the process! Don’t tell me that you’ve never felt like you wanted to hide away from life, or to brush things under the rug hoping no-one finds it to dig it back up again.

We can’t keep sweeping things under the rug, or putting situations into a box and shelving it. You know what happens when you just keep piling things up? Eventually, one day it will over flow and topple over and make a complete mess…And it takes longer to clean up!

This happened to me last week. I was so busy with life that I didn’t take as much time out as I needed to depend on the One who can really sort my messes out. I couldn’t even go to church one Sunday because I was too busy doing something else.

I rely on going to church to set me up for the week. I depend on it. I know I shouldn’t. It’s not church that I worship – it’s God. I should be able to worship God anywhere. I have no excuse though when I am at church and I guess I saw this as my “fix” for the week. God isn’t a one day of the week kind of God – He’s in it for the long haul.

Every. Single. Day.

I should be able to run to Him to depend on Him whenever I want to (and need to).

God isn't a one day of the week kind of God - He's in it for the long haul. Click To Tweet

Last week, events finally caught up with me and I reacted in ways that I shouldn’t have done. Instead of depending on God first, I shelved it and tried to ignore what was happening. Until…BANG…it was too late and it all came crashing down around me. Or rather, I just flipped out and made everything crash down.

I lost it.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Not completely though. I shut myself in the office and put on worship music and sang as loud as I could. I didn’t care in that moment if anyone was listening. I came to my Father because I knew I needed Him.

I rely on Him.

I depend on Him.

There was one song in particular that really helped, which is Waves by Worship Central. (See clip below). Just letting the waves of God’s love wash over me was all I needed. Maybe it’s all you need too?

Something to think about…

Are you feeling really overwhelmed at the moment and struggling to make sense of what is happening?  Don’t leave it too late for life to come crashing down.  Take some time out to breath and depend on God for a little while.  If it helps, play the clip below, close your eyes and just let the waves of God’s love wash over you.  If necessary, find a friend you know that you can confide in and just talk.

Don't leave it too late for life to come crashing down. Take some time out to breath and depend on God for a little while. Click To Tweet


Lord, once again I have lost my way and I have forgotten that you are there for me to depend on. Once again, I have tried to get through life by my own strength and abilities. I thought I knew what was best, but once again I was wrong. You are the One that can do anything, and I need to remember to trust in your abilities to get me though what I am facing. Amen.

I originally wrote this post as a response to the Five Minute Friday word prompt “depend”. Click here to see what other people wrote when they were prompted with this word.

Happily Accepted? Why I feel I am not

Ok, so I am well into the book “The Happiness Dare” by Jennifer Dukes Lee now, and I’m up to chapter 4. Reading this book is like having Jennifer in the room next to me and understanding exactly who I am. She gets me! Her writing is amazing. There are not many people in my life that get me. I probably would say there is only one actually, and I married him…my wonderful husband.  Jennifer writes in such a way though that makes you go, “Hey! How did you know that’s what I’m like?”

Happiness Dare

The chapter that I am currently reading has really made me think back to when I was at school.  Being a child growing up in school is supposed to be a happy time where we form friendships and we find out who we really are.  There is so much pressure from other people though on what to wear, how to look, what to say, who to be friends with…the list is endless…that it is so hard growing up.  I feel that what happens at school at this age and how you react to all of these pressures is what makes you in life.


I want to make people aware of this pressure, or bullying, as it is known as…whether it is at school, or in the work place, or elsewhere. Do you know why I want to make people aware? Because this affects you for the rest of your life on how you perceive things…and more importantly, how you perceive yourself. I am writing this from the viewpoint of someone who has been bullied, and is now going through a time in life where I am not comfortable with who I am. I am not writing this to seek attention.  Well, I guess in a way I am, but not towards myself. I just think that there is not enough people out there that open up to these issues. And there are plenty of people I know that struggle with these very same issues.  Self worth and acceptance.


It’s all about being loved and being accepted for who we are. It doesn’t matter what race we are, what sex we are, what jobs we have, (or what jobs our parents or partners have), how we manage our kids, what we are wearing (and how we wear it), what size we are, what grades we get…the list is endless. I believe a lot of our self worth stems from when we are children, growing up in school.


I look at my own children and listen to stories of their day at school. My eldest daughter is very sensitive and loves to have friends around her. Her friends are important to her.  So, when she came home one day and said that her friend is no longer talking to her, and that she is always the one that is made to be ‘it’ when they are playing tag, she is devastated. I listen to her and try to comfort her that everything will be ok.  I try to reassure her that she doesn’t need to look to her friends and be like them to be accepted. It’s hard though. She is only 7 and I feel helpless. The next day however, everything is back to normal as though nothing ever happened and she is quick to get over it. She is fortunate. She has lots of friends around her and she is not being bullied.  I guess I am more scared of what she is going through because of what I went through myself.



I found growing up really hard.  My parents had a job in the church where they had to move around a lot.  Moving house would always take place in June, so it was either around my birthday, or there would be exams that I would be taking.  It was close to the end of the academic year too, so I would be starting a new school when there was only 6 weeks left until the summer holidays.  Starting a new school is not easy, but when everyone else has already had a chance to make friends and get settled, I had no chance.  I was quickly made into the ideal target for others to fire names at.  To start off with, the name calling didn’t really matter.  But children are so persistent that eventually they hit the target.  Name calling then turns into ‘accidentally’ knocking over, which then turns into threats of being beaten up after school.  I was so scared some days to leave school and walk home, or even go out into the play ground at lunch time.  I felt really alone at school, and looking back now I see that I didn’t have any true friends…you know, the friends that you can rely on to give you a hug when you needed one, or to make you laugh uncontrollably.

I wish that I had someone like Jennifer back than to say to me what I am reading now.

“You don’t find happiness by being the best version of someone else.  You find happiness by being the best version of you”.

How revealing is this? It really opened up my eyes to a whole new concept.  How many of us are going around in life thinking about that child back at school?  How many of us look back and compare ourselves to our ‘friends’?  How many of us look to what someone great is doing and wish that we could be more like them?  I do!


Do you know what?  There is only one of me!  No one else can write the poems the way I write them…or arrange music the way I arrange it…or play my instrument the way that I play it.  Hey!  Go me with the compliment giving to myself! I still need to do a little more ‘soul searching’ though. I know that I am not fully there yet with the “hey-Lynne-you-are-fabulous” type feeling, but I am on the right way to getting there.