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Abuse, Faith, Five Minute Friday

Broken But Not Beyond Repair

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Broken

I am joining in with the Five Minute Friday writing community this week. I haven’t written in a while. However, when I saw what the writing prompt was there was only one thing that came to my mind. To tell my story. The word prompt for this week is ‘broken’, and I may have spent a little bit more than five minutes. Click here if you would like to read what other people have written.

Broken But Not Beyond Repair

Broken
Broken But Not Beyond Repair

One of our Associate Vicars gave a sermon last Sunday. It was based on the conversion of Saul when he was travelling to Damascus. Saul’s conversion into Paul would have become one of those moments in history that would have been retold over and over again. Saul’s transformation by Jesus became ‘his story’. It was his story that would have changed how Christianity was perceived forever. 

Picture this. A man who was condemning Christians so much, he would hunt them down and have them killed. This very same man had such an encounter with Christ that it completely turned him around. He now hunts non-Christians down so he can tell them the truth about Jesus and save them. What a story! 

Everyone has a story to tell of how Jesus touches their life. It may not be the flash-out-of-the-sky type of story, but it is a story nonetheless that could change the way a person sees Jesus. 

Our Associate Vicar asked us what our stories are and were we willing to retell our stories for others to encounter Jesus. I would like to say yes, but my story is not an easy one to share. It’s also not something everyone would want to hear. But it is a story that will show others there is hope. If there is anything that I’ve learnt over the past year from this pandemic, is that we all need hope. 

If there is anything that I’ve learnt over the past year from this pandemic, is that we all need hope.  Click To Tweet

What is my Story?

My story is one that tells of a child who felt broken by the effects of sexual abuse. She felt so broken she thought no-one loved her anymore. She felt she didn’t deserve any love. In fact, as she grew older, the shame she carried grew with her. 

I couldn’t trust anyone because I felt so broken. I couldn’t even trust a God who loved me no matter what I had been through. The abuse I suffered completely distorted how I viewed God, and myself. Ultimately, it affected my ability to be able to trust Him and anyone else around me.

It’s been a slow process (nothing like what Saul experienced), but over the years God has shown me how much He loves me. He has shown me it doesn’t matter how broken I may feel inside, I am not beyond repair. It’s not been easy, I won’t lie. I still struggle on a daily basis to accept God’s love and to trust Him. 

One thing I am sure of though is this…I have God by my side through every step of my journey. He will send me His Holy Spirit, not to make me afraid of what is going to happen, but to give me the strength I need so I can step out and tell my story.

With the help of people who God places around me, my healing will continue and I will keep on growing. In the process, my desire is that my story provides a glimmer of hope for someone else going through something similar. 

Something to think about…

Do you have a story to tell? If so, are you willing to share it with someone so they could encounter Christ? If you are a little nervous sharing, why not find a trusted friend to start off with. Telling your story for the first time can be daunting, but with practice it does get a little easier.

Prayer

Lord, thank you for the example of Paul in the Bible in the way that you encountered him. Thank you that he was faithful in telling his story to others so that they could encounter you. I pray that you send your Holy Spirit upon us to help us when we need to tell our stories. Give us the opportunities to speak to others so that we can allow them to encounter you just like we have. And if our stories are hard stories to tell, give us the courage to be a voice to those who need to hear. In your name, Amen.

If anything I have written has resonated with you, then I urge you to seek support. Please be kind to you and practice self-care. IF you’re in the US you can reach out to RAINN at 1.800.656.HOPE. If you are in the UK you can email the Samaritans at Jo@Samaritans.org or call them on 116 123 (UK) or 116 123 (ROI).

Patience

Patience Is A Virtue

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When it gets to that time of day…lunch time…my son seems to have an inbuilt mechanism in his brain (or his stomach) and he often asks, “Is it lunch time yet, Mummy?”  We have lunch around 12:30pm, so I would then tell him how long he needs to wait.  It’s usually not that long, maybe 20 or 30 minutes, but with my son being only 4 years old he has no concept of time.  From that first time he asks me, until we sit down to lunch, he must ask me at least a dozen times before I serve it.  My reply to him would usually be, “Just be patient!”

time 2

My eldest daughter, however, has a better idea and will work out that she would need to count to 60 for one minute to pass by…she might count it a little bit faster though than what seconds should really be counted for.  She will then realise that she would need to do the cycle 20 times for 20 minutes to pass by.  “But Mummy, that is far too many times to count to the number 60.  That would take me aaaaages!”  She would start, but then after a few rounds she soon gives up.

A virtue is a positive trait or a quality deemed to be morally good.  This is  why we hear the saying ‘patience is a virtue’.  If we learn the art of waiting, we also learn how to be more disciplined and obedient.  Well, that’s what I have read…it is so hard to be patient sometimes and I have certainly not mastered it!

My life at the moment has been all about being patient.  It’s taken me three months to get to the point of making my blog live with my first post.  My husband thinks that I am really patient.  I guess I am when it comes to the obvious things like having patience with my children (most of the time), but when it comes to wanting to know what to do with my life and where its going, I want to know right now what is happening.  I guess it’s probably because it’s to do with the unknown.  I don’t know where my life is going to at the moment.  All I know is that I have a passion and I want to do something about it.

I am currently reading a book at the moment by Sue Monk Kidd, “When the Heart Waits”.  I bought this before I went on holiday at the beginning of February, and guess what? Yep, I am STILL reading it!  It’s worse than that though… I am only up to chapter 3!!  I like reading, but first of all I need to find the time to read.  Secondly, I need to find the patience.  Sitting down to read a book is the last thing on my mind when I have three children, work full time and do the usual home stuff.

Dafodil

She writes some insightful stuff though about learning the discipline of “active waiting” in a time where life seemed to have lost its meaning for her.  She mentions about some daffodil bulbs that she had planted, but had planted them too deep. (That’s the kind of thing that I would do!). She compared though the bulb that was planted deep into the ground with that of her own life.  The shoots of the daffodils breaking through the deep soil to form a beautiful plant.  Was there something deep down within her own life that was wanting to break free?  Something that would turn out to be so beautiful?  Only time and patience would tell.

James 5 v7 8

I guess this is what it is like with my own life at the moment.  All I know is that I have something deep down within me that is bursting to reach the top and break through.  I just need to be patient and spend time with God in prayer to cultivate whatever is growing.  Hopefully, over the next few months we will see some fruition.

 

Let me know if there is something in your life that you feel you are waiting for?  Do you know what you are waiting for?  How long have you been waiting?  Are you a patient person?